Sunday, February 19, 2006

A weekend by myself

This one is for me. At least this weekend turned out that way.
It wasn't designed to be that way.

But these last 2 days - I have been in solitude!
Not that I have gotten tired of socializing - meeting family & friends. But here, I - want to be by myself.

Silence was the keyword for the last 48 hours. It's done me a world of good. Though, for those who know me - it must seem queer behavior. I talk so much that I feel exhausted sometimes. Yet - I go on, endlessly. I did try and sort out the feelings and trains that kept frittering across the station inside me.

The only phone conversations that happened were for work - cos' Ranit called from the US of A and Rajiv to tell me about his review on the prototype. I did some office work too - but spent most of the time staring at the ceiling, at my computer screen or in the balcony.

Am I feeling refreshed and charged up for the grueling week ahead? A little!
Me knows this week is going to be a crucial one - what with all the changes @ work. Life is also taking me to the cross-roads. Yes - I can feel their approach.

I hate cross-roads. They're the ones involving decisions - and big ones at that. Every time I get there, issues get forced. To be or not to be - to do or not to do - to commit or not to commit.

Everyone has expectations. Me too! I start off well - then lose momentum somewhere in the middle of the race. The Hare syndrome at it's demonstrable best.

I have deep feelings for her - but get lost - somewhere in the middle of telling her and showing her. I have big plans for work - but they get lost in the middle of the transactions. The sunset is taking on a new dimension for me. I wondered why the blood red sun augurs the start & end of the day. Simple physics states - refraction light. Yet - the fluidity of life itself is wonderful and frightening.

1 comment:

wondering in a clueless existance said...

Find things that require a great start, some thing which you can always give. I could see traces of familiar, old melancholy peeping back at you.

Find the same power you always mustered, and finish them as each task, a start, an end, a method and perhaps a strategy.